Now that I am (mostly) retired, I finally have the space to look back on where I've been and consider where I'm going. In conversations with friends, I often hear the same "retro" refrains: "If I could do it over again," "If I knew then what I know now," or "I didn't realize how good I had it."
If you've found yourself echoing these thoughts, you aren't alone. It is easy to look back and spot the wrong turns we have made in life. Let's revisit those questions with the benefit of the wisdom and knowledge we've earned.
"If I could do it all over again..."
It is human nature to look back and spot the wrong turns. However, I hope that if there were better choices to be made, you have already begun correcting your course. If not, start today. I live by the mantra: "The best time to start was yesterday; the next best time is right now."
"If I knew then what I know now..."
Forgive your younger self. Really, it's ok. At that time in your life, you simply didn't have the "software" to process the information you have today. Chances are, you likely heard good advice back then, but you lacked the maturity, time, or confidence to act on it. As Oprah Winfrey wisely said: "If I knew then what I know now, I would never have wasted even a single minute doubting my path." Your path led you to this realization; that is a victory in itself.
"I had it good, but I didn't appreciate it."
In my years of teaching, I often said, " Maturity is the day you learn to walk around the puddle rather than through it. Of course, when looking back, we would have picked different jobs, saved more money, or exercised more. But the secret to happiness is to appreciate what you have right now.
There are people in this world who envy the exact life you are living today. In past years, we compared ourselves to the neighbors; today's youth compare themselves to a global "highlight reel" on social media. It makes me realize that "appreciating what you have" is actually much harder today than it was forty years ago.
As I mentioned in last month's article, "Look for the gold in your day." You can always find one thing daily to be grateful for and maintain an "attitude of gratitude."
The Teacher Appears
We often wish we could go back and teach our younger selves to persevere, to sacrifice for the long term, and to have the courage to try new things. But there is a hurdle: the old saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Science tells us the human brain isn't fully developed until age twenty-five—and as many of us know, that's especially true for young men! Our younger selves might not have been ready or willing to listen.
Passing the Torch
While you cannot travel back in time to mentor your teenage self, you can share your "O.P.E." (Other People's Experience) with your children, grandchildren, and peers. Having the opportunity to mentor many over the years, I reflected on what advice could be helpful. One of the best things I ever learned personally was to ask people who are more intelligent than I am for advice. I have gotten counsel from elderly veterans to multi-millionaires and everything in between. I believe successful people are usually happy to share their map if you are willing to ask for directions.
As the saying goes: "Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk."
My Remedies for the "If Onlys"
The tragedy of life is often that we get old too soon and wise too late. But it's never too late to change your self-imposed narrative.
1. Seek Wisdom, Not Do-Overs: Don't wish for a "do-over"; make today a "do-it."
2. Keep Growing: Commit to developing mentally, physically, and emotionally, regardless of your age. I once received a desk plaque from a student: "Success is a journey, not a destination." This woman was a black belt at age 53. When she moved to Florida, she started karate at a new school and was asked to wear a white belt again. She was dismayed to think her previous hard work was for naught. With her previous experience, she accelerated through the program and got a second black belt at age 56 (enjoy the journey).
3. Find the Spark: Perhaps the goal isn't to be a teen again, but to bring "teenage" wonder and energy into our adult lives. Let's take a step forward every day. If you could sit down with your 17-year-old self for coffee today, what's the one thing you'd tell them?
We often spend our later years wishing for a "back to the future moment," but what if the real goal isn't to be young again—it's to bring youthful inspiration into seeking the wisdom we have now.
My monthly tip- Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
Mike is A martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist
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