7 Signs Your Child May Be Struggling With Bullying

Remember the words to this old song?

“School days, school days,

Dear old golden rule days.

Readin' and 'ritin' and 'rith-me-tic

Taught to the tune of a hick'ry stick.”

For parents, the return to school this fall signals the big shift from summer to the back-to-school season. My suggestion to you this fall: Don’t wait for your child to use the word bullying. Sometimes the behavior changes before the words do. As I write this monthly article, I recognize these signs in my younger self after being bullied and beaten up. It's amazing how after fifty years, I can still vividly remember having these feelings of despair and sadness along with these symptoms. When I was a kid, my Grandmother would tease me. She would say, “You are so shy that if someone were standing on your foot, you would not say a thing.” These tips are warning signs of more serious mental health issues to watch out for.

1. Your child suddenly doesn’t want to go to school. Frequent complaints of feeling sick, requests to stay home, or unusually anxious behavior about Monday mornings can be a warning sign. I desperately wanted to skip school after being beat up. Walking the halls at school with a black eye was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. Comments like " loser” followed me for days. It's not that they want to skip; it's just that it's hard to learn when you are scared.
2. Their friendships suddenly change. A child who normally talks about friends may stop mentioning them, lose a friendship unexpectedly, or seem increasingly isolated. After being beaten up by the alpha teen in my neighborhood group, I lost my circle of friends. My parents were great about pushing me to keep in contact with other friends in town because we all need a support system and a sense of belonging. Even with kids around, your child can feel alienated and lonely.
3. Your child has mood or behavior changes. Increased irritability, sadness, anger, withdrawal, or emotional outbursts can signal that something is happening at school. On the outside, your child may look the same, but inside, their emotions are in a whirlpool of despair, helplessness, and sadness. They are trying their best but may not have the tools to cope. Long talks and hugs go a long way in helping. 
4. They start avoiding certain places or activities. Pay attention if your child suddenly doesn’t want to ride the bus, go to the cafeteria, attend recess, participate in activities, or go to a particular class. Going to these places is difficult because your child knows the bullies lie in wait and the bullying will begin again. As much as you might tell them to “tough it out,” it's not that easy. After being beaten up and bullied, my Mom drove me to school every day so I didn't have to take the bus. I am not sure this helped. I wished and hoped that I had confidence and self-defense skills, but at that time I had none. 
5. Their school performance changes. Difficulty concentrating, missing assignments, declining grades, or losing interest in school can sometimes accompany social problems. It's difficult and nearly impossible to learn when you live in a state of terror. Bullying has many debilitating effects on kids and will result in a lack of concentration and, as a result, poor academic performance and grades. 
6. Your child becomes unusually quiet about their day. If “How was school?” used to generate stories and now gets a quick “fine,” gently ask more specific questions rather than assuming everything is okay. Withdrawal from family and friends is another warning sign.
7. Your child loses confidence or begins blaming themselves. Statements like “Nobody likes me,” “I’m stupid,” or “It’s probably my fault” deserve attention. Children experiencing repeated negative treatment may begin to internalize it. A child who is bullied may feel like it was their fault that this is happening to them.

An important point for parents: None of these signs automatically means your child is being bullied, but these are signals to slow down, listen, and start a conversation. Sometimes it's easier for your child to speak to a trusted uncle or aunt because it feels safer. Let's do whatever it takes to get your child talking about their feelings, and communication is key. If you think this situation warrants seeing a counselor or therapist, please take action. If you live in northeast Connecticut, I have the perfect person to recommend.

It's a long road back from being bullied. I have two proven suggestions. One: find your kids a bodyguard, not like a Secret Service escort or a person with aviator sunglasses, but a confident and respected student in their class who will stick up for them. Bystanders need to become upstanders.

Secondly, build your kids from the inside out. Confident kids don't get bullied. Your child needs a skill that will build their confidence. When a child excels in any given field, their confidence will grow (in time). I wish I had the confidence I have today back then. I was shy and quiet, but being a martial arts black belt has given me great confidence and saved my life. 

“These days, my motto is simple: there are two kinds of people in the world — people who know me, and people who want to know me.”

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and 

anti-bully activist

Safety Tips to Teach Your Children if Lost

 

                                        Don't Panic- Do This!

Safety Tips to Teach Your Children if Lost 

One holiday season, while at the Auburn Mall, when my son was 6 years old, we were shopping with friends. While I was busy chatting, my son stopped to look in a store window while we continued.  When I glanced down, I saw he was not with us, and I began to panic. After a look around our immediate area, I retraced my steps, checking the sales desk at each store.  I was able to find him quickly because he knew to go to the register and ask for help.  Crisis averted.

Parents, don’t be afraid to talk about it, and even role-play; it can make a difference. I always like to highlight this in my strategy: “Perfect planning prevents poor performance”.

Stop moving- I taught my son to stay put. I retraced my steps, kept scanning, and was able to find him in minutes. Then I managed to bring my jacked anxiety back to normal.

Identify and Approach Safe Adults. First, stay calm- both the parent and the child should take three long, very slow breaths.  

• Teach your children how to identify safe adults they can approach for help. These choices should include police officers, store employees, security personnel, or women with children. Instruct them to avoid speaking to strangers who don’t fit these categories. 
• Give them a simple script to use (and please practice), such as, "I’m lost. Can you help me find my parents?" Reassure them that most adults are kind and willing to help, but they should still be cautious. 
• Your child must know that leaving a park or building with a man is a no-go proposition.
• Additionally, show them how to recognize uniforms and name tags that indicate someone’s official role.

Memorize names - 

• Kids need to know their full proper names. Not just their nickname or shortened kid name, but full first and last name. 
• Your children should know your real first and last name, not just Mommy or Daddy. 
• When kids realize that you're not in their line of sight, they should practice shouting your first and last name (like -John Smith!), not just Mommy or Daddy. 

Memorize your phone number-

Ensure they have memorized your phone number. To practice this, you can make a game or a song out of your number (think the alphabet song).

Establish a Meeting Spot-

When visiting crowded places like parks, malls, or events, establish a clear meeting spot (this is my recommendation for older children) in case you get separated. Choose a location that is easy to find and recognizable, such as the main entrance, a specific landmark, or the sales desk in a store. Show your children the spot when you arrive and explain that if they get lost, they should go there and wait for you. If they can’t find the meeting spot and you have already indicated it, they should seek help from a safe adult to guide them there. The very best choice for assistance is always a woman with children. A pre-planned spot serves as a reliable point of reference, giving you and your child a known location to reunite.

For you, the parent- 

• Take a photo right when you go to an amusement park so you can show someone what your child was wearing. Staff can't recognize similar-looking children but can grab a color combination much more easily. 
• Dress them in bright colors so they stick out in a crowd (picture the cop directing traffic). You can always use a digital tracker like an AirTag. You do this for your luggage; why not your kids? 
• One parent can stay in the spot where you first noticed your child was missing while the other parent/adult retraces your steps.

Please assure your kids that you are not angry, only scared for their safety. Everyone's emotions will run high in these situations, and I will remind you that in times of stress, long, slow breathing will help you manage your stress. By teaching your children these essential tips, you equip them with the knowledge and confidence to handle situations where they may become separated from you, ensuring their safety and your peace of mind during summer outings.  Like anything else, role-playing and regular practice make these habits stick. 

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bullying activist.

Tips for Success: 6 Summer Self-Defense Lessons for Kids

Summer means freedom, fun, and all-day adventures for children — but it also comes with new risks and dangerous situations. Whether children are biking through the neighborhood, heading to camp, or spending long afternoons outside, a few simple reminders can help keep summer both safe and enjoyable.

1. Self-Defense Against the Sun

Key Point: Too much sun can ruin a fun day in a hurry. Every summer, I preach this lesson to my students: the ultimate self-defense against sunburn is sunscreen. Mostly, they listen, but one of my teen students once fell asleep at the beach and came back lobster-red! Yes, he had to do extra push-ups that night. Please remind your kids that it is not just today’s sunburn that causes trouble, but years of cumulative skin damage. My cousin worked on the docks at our family boatyard and developed leather-like skin from overexposure. In her later years, she required multiple skin surgeries. Protect your kids now:

• Apply sunscreen before going outside and reapply frequently.
• Wear hats, sunglasses, and lightweight protective clothing, such as swim shirts.
• Take breaks in the shade during the hottest parts of the day.

Takeaway Line: A little sunscreen today prevents a painful tomorrow.

2. Hydration Is Not Optional

Key Point: Summer heat sneaks up on kids and adults fast. Adults can generally spot dehydration when children slow down their play and get a washed-out look.

• Encourage water breaks before kids feel thirsty.
• Limit sugary drinks in hot weather.
• Teach kids to recognize signs of overheating, such as dizziness, headaches, or fatigue.

Takeaway Line: Water is summer fuel.

3. Bike, Skateboard & Outdoor Play Safety

Key Point: Fun should never come without protection. I like to remind our grandkids that our primary job is to keep them safe by explaining exactly what happens during a fall: bumps, bruises, concussions, and broken bones.

• Wear helmets: They are a must for protecting against head injuries—every ride, every time, without question.
• Review street safety: Teach solid crossing rules. When we cross the street to get the mail, we hold hands and say, "Look left, look right, look left, look right." Always check twice. My sister once went to get the mail, looked both ways, but then answered a question my mother yelled out. Distracted by her own answer, she stepped into the street without re-checking and was hit by a car.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear rules for where kids can safely play or ride.

Takeaway Line: A helmet may not look “cool,” but injuries definitely aren’t.

4. Water Self-Defense Saves Lives

Key Point: Pools, lakes, and beaches require constant attention. Tragedy strikes in an instant. I once lost a five-year-old student who was playing on a covered, above-ground pool; he fell through an opening in the cover and drowned. It was one of the saddest funerals I have ever attended.

• Never allow children to swim alone.
• Ensure young swimmers always have active adult supervision.
• Review simple water safety rules before every outing.
• Keep all pool gates securely latched.

Takeaway Line: Around water, safety comes before confidence.

5. Build Brain Power This Summer

Key Point: Readers are leaders. Keeping kids engaged with books provides excellent mental self-defense.

• It prevents the “summer slide,” helps retain reading skills, and gives kids built-in downtime.
• Reading is self-perpetuating—frequent readers naturally become better readers.
• It gets kids off screens and into the real world.
• It builds knowledge and expands their exposure to global topics and adventures.

Takeaway Line: A sharp mind is the best tool in any inventory.

6. Know the Summer Game Plan

Key Point: Kids must know exactly what to do if something goes wrong. Learning to identify a "trusted adult" takes practice, so turn it into a regular guessing game when you are out at stores or parks.

• Memorize at least one parent’s phone number.
• Establish clear check-in times and neighborhood boundaries.
• Teach the "lost" protocol: If you get lost, stay calm and take deep, slow breaths. Stay where you are if it is safe, and find a trusted adult, such as a police officer, lifeguard, teacher, or store employee. Never go into back rooms or offices with anyone.

Takeaway Line: Independence works best when you have a plan.

My July 4th Bonus Tip

We all love the fireworks and excitement of Independence Day, but we must watch out for the pitfalls. A sparkler seems cute and harmless, but please note that it burns at over 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Treat them with the same respect you would show any open flame.

Closing Thoughts

Summer memories should be filled with laughter, adventure, and joy—not preventable accidents. Everything comes down to teaching your children personal self-defense and building them up.

You want to install a positive, protective loop running in their brains whenever they second-guess themselves. When our grandchildren visit, I repeat these same three affirmations in everything they do: You are smart, you are brave, you are strong.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bullying activist.

One great poem

 Two great writers one great poem.  

My sister, Jean Bogdanski Stratton and my son James Bogdanski wrote this beautiful poem for my birthday.  It touched my heart and I wanted to share this masterpiece.

1953 was a very good year.

Little Mikey arrived, bringing with him good cheer.

One of millions of Baby boomers you’d be

But just baby brother between you and me

Born a Taurus, the sign of the bull

Brave and bold with a heart so full

Twas the decade of hotrods, Elvis, and transistor radio

The best-selling single on your birthday? "The Doggie in the Window"

You say I was your first bully when I was 5 and you 4

You soon would become sore

Me pushing the swing into your eye forcing a scar

Then closing your hand in the door of the car

At 16 a dust up with the neighborhood bully next door, 

Little did we know your name would become one of lore

Karate gave you a business, a career – a very clear sign

That soon you’d leave your competitors flat on their behinds

A penchant for nicknames would become your thing 

A gift to your favorites with a special ring

You have your fair share, too, and I can see why

Too many to count, but I’ll give it a try

An enterprising mind, Mike “make a buck” Bogdanski

Putnam’s karate kid, it’s very own Mister Miyagi

To family, you were Dad, Grampy, Uncle Stongman, 

To thousands more, their number-one sensei and KJN

You always refer to me as your favorite sister

And I always reply, “You’re darn right, mister!”

Gwompkis became your favorite gift

I know that it always gave you quite a lift

You’ve hobbies aplenty, with guns and ammo galore

An arsenal so vast, you couldn’t possibly fit more

Should the zombie apocalypse occur or WW III

To your house Dave, Alex and I will flee

In ‘84, you welcomed a son, best buddies for life

Then in ‘08, marriage to Linda, your wife

From there, your family grew more than you could know

A daughter, another son, and now 4 grandkids in tow!

Your students could  look to learn what matters most

Courage, kindness and respect – never prideful boasts

Like seedlings under the sun, you watered them with care

For 50 years, passing on knowledge, helping them prepare

Not to be warriors, fighters, or ninjas, not at all

But to be good citizens, ready to answer the call

Round the globe you trotted, competing near and far

Poland, South Korea, Australia, even the U.S.S.R.!

A cultural ambassador you have been,

Spreading good will, making new friends

Have you thought what 70 would be?

Here with lots of friends and family

Celebrating your seventh decade

Having it made in the shade

But even in retirement, there’s no stopping you, you’re busy as a bee

Social-media organizer, Class of ‘71 at Norwich Free Academy

Highlighting birthdays, planning trips, even the occasional lunch

Methinks you have politics on your mind, or so I have a hunch

If George Lucas hadn’t already written this line

Our beloved James Bogdanski would have created this with you in mind,

May the force/fourth always be with you

Looking forward to seeing the next thing you do.

So here let this poem come to an end

Spoken from the heart by your sister, your friend

The years are measured in moments, memories, and joy

Edited and immeasurably added to by your number one boy

Much love, Jean, James and Dave (in collaboration)

Happy May Day

 

May Day has several meanings.

May Day, celebrated on May 1st, is a traditional spring festival that marks the return of summer (thankfully) and has roots in ancient Roman and Celtic festivals. Some common traditions include dancing around a maypole, crowning a May Queen, and leaving flower baskets for neighbors, all of which symbolize fertility, new life, the blooming of spring, and the relief of the sun finally breaking through a long, cold winter. It is a festival of "making it" to the other side. But there is another Mayday, one that doesn't smell like spring.

But there is another Mayday — one that matters as much. "Mayday," which is the international voice distress signal used by pilots, mariners, and emergency responders to signify a life-threatening emergency, is typically repeated three times ("Mayday, mayday, mayday") for clarity. Invented in 1923 by Frederick Stanley Mockford at an airport, it derives from the French m'aider (help me). The term was adopted in 1927, replacing SOS to overcome radio static and language barriers.

Significance of the term "Mayday."

1. Immediate Action: It alerts you to an immediate, life-threatening danger, such as engine or structural failure or a fire, requiring immediate rescue.

2. Clarity: Unlike "help," "mayday" was specifically chosen as a short, unambiguous term that cuts through radio static, crucial in emergency voice communications.

3. Distress vs. Urgency: "Mayday" indicates an imminent threat, while "Pan-Pan" (I have never heard this one) is used for urgent but not immediately life-threatening situations.

"Mayday" is used when in distress — a clear, urgent, unapologetic signal that says I need help now. It carries no shame. No pilot hesitates to use it when lives are at stake. The same urgency can apply to our own mental and emotional well-being. When childhood experiences teach us that asking for help leads only to rejection or disappointment, finding the courage to ask again can feel nearly impossible. It's not a flaw; you may have learned that acting alone is best for survival. Independence seems like the best defense, but it's not.

My Key Points

1. We were never meant to fly solo. Pilots don't navigate emergencies alone, and humans aren't wired for isolation. Asking for help is biology, not weakness. Our Navy SEALs are elite, brave warriors, and they "always" have a swim buddy.

2. Mayday is a clear signal, not a complaint. There's a difference between venting and genuinely calling for help. It's okay to ask for help — simply saying “I need support right now” is a powerful act.

3. The cost of silent distress. What happens when pilots ignore warning signs? Crashes. Explore what emotional "crashes" look like when we suppress the Mayday call for too long.

4. Who's in your control tower? Identify your support network — trusted friends, family, and teachers, doctors, and crisis lines. You need to know who to call before your emergency happens.

5. Shame is the static on the line. The stigma around mental health muffles the signal. Many people are embarrassed by having mental health challenges, but they are as real as having a cold or the flu.

6. Having a Mayday moment is not permanent — sending a distress signal doesn't define you. It's a temporary call for help, not an identity. Sending a Mayday doesn't mean you are a "broken person." It means you are in a broken moment.

7. You don't need to be in crisis to call. Mayday occurrences exist on a spectrum — early calls are easier to answer than late ones.

My Closing Thought

Asking for help is an act of courage and self-awareness, not a sign of defeat. The bravest thing you can do is transmit clearly: I need help. I'm here. Find me, help me.

Famous psychologist Abraham Maslow spoke about the need for a sense of belonging. The third level in his hierarchy represents the fundamental human desire for interpersonal connection, friendship, trust, and acceptance. Positioned after physiological and safety needs, this need drives people to seek connection through family, friends, work groups, and communities to avoid loneliness and depression.

Every pilot who has ever called Mayday did so because they believed the journey was still worth completing. So should you. Whatever turbulence you are facing — the anxiety that won't quiet, the grief that won't lift, the weight you have carried in silence for far too long — you are allowed to call for help. You are allowed to say I am here, I am struggling, and I need some help. The moment you send that signal, you are no longer alone in the cockpit. And that changes everything. Sometimes life is too heavy to carry on your own. 

A great local leader I know (Joe C!) loves this quote and uses it often – "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

Over the decades, I have visited many schools and dealt with many at-risk kids. I always recommended that they ask a trusted adult to help, from the teacher to a cafeteria worker to the bus driver. And I always, always told them, if no one else is listening, call me. I will be your friend.

 

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully advocate.

Check Norris-the man, the myth, the legend

 

Recently, we lost Carlos Ray Norris. You may know him as the late-great Chuck Norris.

We all know his action-packed movies, his signature sidekick, and his Walker, Texas Ranger days on TV, but did you know he came from very humble beginnings? Poor. No father. Joined the football team and warmed the bench. Lost a brother in Vietnam. His way out of this tough start in life led him to the military to escape these hardships.

First, let me dispel the rumor that I sparred with Chuck. Chuck was in the golden age of competition (circa 1960-1969) in the U.S. I am in the silver age generation and was heavily involved in the 1980’s, competing nationally and internationally. 

Over the years, I have had several great teachers in many different martial arts. Although I have trained in many systems, my primary training is in Tang Soo Do, a Korean art. Mr. Norris was in my karate family tree.

Here are a few stories about my Chuck connections.

Osan Air Force Base, South Korea (late 1950’s)

After being stationed in Korea, Norris joined many young G.I.s who began martial arts training after watching a demonstration to fill their off-duty time. Mr. Shin was one of the local Tang Soo Do instructors from town who taught daily classes on base in a Quonset hut. Service members trained for several hours each night under very rigorous conditions, in very cold winter weather and very hot summer weather. The long daily classes enabled students to accelerate their progress and even achieve black belt status in 1.5 years, as was the case with my teacher, Mr. Cheezic, who received his black belt in a morning grading. Norris then received his green belt that same afternoon (Mr. Cheezic was very proud of the fact that he was Norris' senior in rank).

One of my teachers, Grandmaster Kim of South Korea, told me this Chuck story. The Grandmaster had his school just a few blocks from Osan. As a matter of fact, I had the honor of visiting this mecca of martial arts in 2010. Norris was a military policeman and had the opportunity to requisition a military jeep for travel to Seoul for advanced training. South Korea is currently a very advanced country, but after the war there, with many dirt roads and scarce streetlights, there was great suffering and poverty. While driving from the air base to the city in an open-sided jeep, trying to avoid many road hazards, a critical incident occurred when crossing a barely sustained, weakened bridge. 

The jeep lurched violently, and Grandmaster Kim was flung helplessly toward the deep abyss of the ravine below. Norris, just in time, reached over, grabbed him, and kept him from being ejected, almost certainly to a critical end. The Grandmaster used to tell us that Chuck Norris saved his life. Not his first act of heroism.

After Korea, Norris returned to California and opened a chain of karate schools in the Los Angeles area. To boost the school's enrollment, he began competing in local martial arts tournaments. With overwhelming success, he ventured out across the country and became a national champion. With these credentials, his school grew exponentially, and with his skill and good looks, he soon became the instructor to the stars and was often on many popular TV shows (you can view these on YouTube). Steve McQueen, one of his students, got him into acting. 

I was at a kickboxing show at Foxwoods casino, where Chuck was the guest of honor. He was in the crowd signing autographs. When my wife’s turn came, she (at 5’6) was surprised to see they stood eye to eye, even with his cowboy boots. Sometimes our heroes are just regular people.

Why I admired Chuck Norris.

I just loved his “good guy” image. He was easy-going, firm, and respected. He often played the part of a hero, whether as a police officer, a soldier, or a concerned mentor. In one of his movies, he enters a bar and gets beaten up by a criminal crew of 16 guys. In a post-movie interview, he was asked, why didn't you use your movie magic to defeat them all? His reply was, “That's not realistic.”

His average-Joe persona made me admire him; he was not boastful like Jean-Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal, and he carried himself with a calm, peaceful demeanor. 

For years, I heavily supported our local D.A.R.E programs, and Chuck started a program called “Kick drugs out of America.”

He was a legitimate martial artist, always learning and combining arts to make himself and his students better, and I, too, followed this path of never-ending learning. Being a lifelong student exemplifies one of his greatest qualities. I saw a photo of him training in martial arts on his birthday, just days before his passing. 

Our art emphasizes self-discipline and character, and this gave Chuck a reputation for promoting the greater good. He was filled with dignity, and there was no trash-talking or ego.

Chuck Norris memes have been popular on the internet for decades, so I thought I would close with one. 

Chuck Norris didn’t die- he got tired of being undefeated on earth.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist.